If you push your child to get to the result that YOU want,
it may well be something
out of their capabilities
they will feel awful
They will learn to think of themselves as a failure
You and they will miss all the little bite sized steps that they COULD be doing
There is a wonderful story in this chapter, of a child, with developmental delay,
in the first set of lessons,
when she wasn’t pushed to “do it right” and crawl this instant,
or do something in the therapists or parents wanted,
but took small learning delights, that when she wasn’t pushed,
but was followed where she was at,
and then her learning took off…
she made deep and real progress
Then she went away for awhile,
after having learned rolling over and crawling and all the things
she hadn’t been able to learn when they were being foisted on her.
She went away for awhile.
When kindergarden came the pressure was on big time to talk.
She wasn’t taking lessons any more.
A speech therapist at school was busy trying to strengthen her facial muscles
Alexa was having tantrums
and not learning how to talk
She was miserable and the goal of cramming speech down her throat,
more or less literally,
was backfiring big time.
So Anat, gave her a lesson where,
she talked and talked and talked, Anat did,
demanding nothing from Alexa, but flooding her with language.
Suddenly, when Anat asked a question, Alexa gave a “Yes” back,
because she was enjoying the connection, ( Anat was moving her body
in the amazingly gently and feeling great ways of a lesson
(( COME GET A LESSON, OR A SERIES— dear PARENTS,
IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE)) — the talking was “extra” over the body
learning and bliss.)
Alexa felt no pressure to talk,
so she did.
Then Anat started talking a bunch of NONSENSE SYLLABLES
Who was fascinated.
Then Anat turned the nonsense syllables into the clear intonation of a question,
and Alexa gave her back a nonsense syllable answer.
(An aside, this is a great way for grown up couples to argue)
She was talking,
at a basic level, for the first time in her life.
Anat ended the lesson at 30 minutes.
The lessons are about giving the child the maximum for real learning.
Too much can degrade the learning.
But the little girl said, “No.”
She didn’t want the lesson to end.
Anat playfully, “yes.”
then “no” “yes” back and forth as a game.
Then, Alexa leaves and runs back, “No, No, No”
“Yes, yes, yes.”
Anat agrees to continue lessons in the following weeks
No more speech therapy
No one in school or at home tries to get Alexa to talk.
This is agreed,
So, of course,
Almost instantly, once the learning becomes a game
pressure is off
And so, gentle reader,
Anat offers several key suggestions:
small changes as subsets of a bigger goal
if you discover yourself pushing where you want to go,
not where your child is ready to learn
( this is mine)
pay attention to any and all small learnings,
have fun there
Don’t buy into the standard stuff
Like “tummy time”
Where learning is happy, the brain groves it in
Embrace the process, not the goal:
Same as the whole post…
It’s the discovery that makes a bigger brain and a happier child
Sail where the wind will let you
Don’t force the river
all that good enlightenment stuff
applies to the simplest learning of your wonderful child
This is backing off, but the more active version:
back away from your set course,
and try something else
try anything else
Cherish the Connection
not the product/ goal/ task
These last two,
should be mottos in everyone’s life
but only if they want to be happy